Getting Off the Dating Merry-Go-Round
Episode 2 out now, plus an essay on lessons from Hinge love
Hey crybaby,
Episode 2 is out now! Lauren and I talk about my Hinge love story (more on that below), why dating has such a bad reputation right now, how to know when you’re ready (or not) to jump into the dating pool and what dating intentionally looks like in our 20s.
As always, happy listening! 🎧
Lessons from my Hinge love story
Growing up, I felt flooded with messages from the world that marriage should be my ultimate goal.
All these messages focused around things like poofy wedding dresses and fantasizing about storybook true love, but not about finding a compatible partner.
I can’t remember where I first heard the phrase “date to marry,” but once I actually started dating in my late teens, I adopted it without having any clue of what it really looked like in practice. At the same time, floppy dating boundaries had me choosing guys who weren’t ready to commit long-term. It was draining to say the least.
At 20, after several not-quite relationships with a few too many guys for my liking, I took a year-long break from unintentional, going-nowhere dating.
A year later, in 2021, I knew I was ready for my comeback season. In this new era, I threw the dating rulebook out the window and replaced it with a little ✨delusion✨. Okay, delusion isn’t the exact word, but I certainly felt delusional when I asked my bestie to log into my Hinge account and play matchmaker. Going on a first date with my now-boyfriend (then just a Hinge-match) without facetiming him first to be sure he wasn’t catfishing could also be considered delusional.
I know, I know. You’re probably thinking, “Girl, I could never!” But remember, I had thrown the rules to the side!
And doing so made my dating experience so much different - and better.
I stopped looking at dating as a game, letting go of the Do’s & Don’ts that none of us can remember anyway. I got serious about enforcing my boundaries, where I failed big-time before. Instead of trying to go with the flow, I kept things honest and showed my boyfriend who I was without a facade aimed at pleasing him. I leaned into being vulnerable, even though I’d internalized that vulnerability is a weakness to be taken advantage of. And I can say now, nearly three years later that I wouldn’t have done anything differently this time around.
To my girls feeling exhausted with dating right now, I hope you know that flowers can (and will) grow from the seeds you plant. It’s okay to take a season to nurture your garden.